I swore!!

I swore I would never talk about my dating life in the blogging world. I don't really want to be seen as crazy or emotional when mentioning these things, but sometimes I don't know how else to let it out. Truthfully I'd rather be done with it all! Lol

Let's start with the "type" of guy that seems to always be attracted to me. They see you once and are immediately interested. They count adding you as a friend on facebook a significant enough gesture to ask for your number. Suddenly you wish you'd never given it out. They try to hold your hand before they've even talked about taking you out. And they seem to have no determination in life and you suspect that the only reason they even find you interesting is because you are something. Not someone really interesting that they can't seem to get enough of. Not someone they just enjoy being with. Something that breathes that they can chase after just because they need to "get married". ... ...

Truth be told that stereotype has only happened once or twice for me. But I still feel like that's how all of them are. They only rush into things because they NEED to find out if you're the one they are supposed to marry. Well why can't you just date me and enjoy that HMMM??? Oh right.

Am I naive enough in thinking that it shouldn't be that way?

I just need to get out and meet new people. I don't know how much of my life I can actually call a "dating life" when I'm just swimming around in Good Ole Clinton.

Then there's just the "Good Friend". Nevermind that you used to date, now for whatever reason everything is just supposed to be ok being friends. The fact that he only talks about what girls I know that I can possibly set him up with makes me suspicious that he is the "type" of guy I mentioned above. He didn't really care about me, he just cared that I was a girl and that I was interested in him. Granted I did tell him that I didn't see myself marrying him, so that would be a good cause for him to lose all interest in me. But why do we still have to be friends? Of course I don't see myself marrying him right now. Does he REALIZE how young I am??? I was in 8th grade when he was graduating High School. But to me it feels like just being friends is worsening the situation. I get the guilt for dumping him so I feel I owe it to him to make him happy somehow since I can't. It's not that I don't enjoy his friendship. Besides the fact that he's quickly become one of my best friends, whom I still care about, I can't get passed the idea that he possibly continues to use me.

He's probably the best out of all the others I've dated though. But then again... that's not saying much.

My mom constantly asks me "Do you think you could date a guy who actually FINISHED his mission??"

... ... It's not like I want it this way. Lol

The first guy I went on a date with who hadn't served his mission I felt very passionate about not judging him. I figured that it wasn't my business unless we actually started dating more and he felt the need to tell me. Otherwise, I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt. He obviously felt the need to tell me on the first date. Guilty? Still don't know. He got sick. Medical reasons. You know, that's all well and good but you've been home for 7 months and still don't have a job... Hmmm... Not only that but you're 20 years old and you've never taken the ACT? Are you PLANNING on going to college?

Needless to say, we haven't seen much of each other.

And now there's another one. Previous experience with guys who came home for medical reasons has led me to be skeptical of such excuses. Even though I still know it's not my place to judge, this IS MY future... don't I deserve to be picky enough to sort through the bad ones??

But... good news is... I don't get the first impression that he is one of the "bad ones". He's been home less than a month and he's already got a job. At least I know he's responsible because he finished a year at Utah State before his mission and that's where he's headed in the fall. But what's a girl supposed to do?

We're told our whole lives to hold out for a return missionary to get married in the temple. The sad thing to me is, it's no longer good enough just to be a "Return Missionary." I wish it wasn't so but I've been naive enough to think that if you're going on a mission then you must be worthy. Tis not always the case. I'm afraid a lot of guys think that when they go on their missions they will get rid of any bad habits or sins they had committed. But when they come home they go back to being the same person they were before their missions.

I know I'm young and I have not had all that much experience, but I wish guys wouldn't hold it over our heads that they're "Return Missionaries." I also think that guys shouldn't hold it over their heads that they're not. Maybe it's good enough to have served as long as you could as long as you are striving to be the kind of guy you need to be in this world.

But honestly... if you haven't been able to finish your mission, are you going to be able to be the kind of guy you need to be in THIS world?

Again... just being skeptical. Not trying to be judgmental.

Lol, I just wish it was a lot easier sometimes.

Good news... I feel like every decision I've made, still would've been made even if a certain Japanese Mish weren't in the picture.

That gives me points right?? Ha ha ha

Well... sorry for the ranting post... Hope it's not too boring! :D