March Sadness!! -and then Happiness...

I can't really believe how quickly life changes. One second you're watching a movie and the next second you're applying for $9,000 in student loans!!! Let me explain... ;)

So I FINALLY heard word back about the music program. I didn't get in. Not even a little bit. My voice teacher (who is currently a junior in the program) said that although it was unlikely that I wouldn't get in, if that happened they would probably offer me private voice lessons with the instructor and try again next year. I got no such offer. In fact the rejection hit me so hard that I felt like there was absolutely no hope in the words of their e-mail. Just a big fat NO! It kinda makes me tear up just thinking about it. All my hard work since High School, the patient waiting, all the things I did to ensure that I would someday get my education...just to be rejected. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I wish I could say I was completely over it...

Anyways! The next couple weeks were pure confusion. I couldn't decide if I wanted to just enter as a pre-music major and try again in another YEAR!! (the anticipation might really have killed me...), or switch my major to Theater. I feel like my voice has not been trained to be classical, and to be a music performance major, or chorale education major you have to be this picture perfect opera singer. I have a lot more diversity to my voice... I guess... and I just couldn't see myself being able to conform to what they wanted. Whereas in Theater I could still do musical theater but I just didn't know what else to do except to teach.. and I'm not sure that's where I wanted to be...?

So my solution was to cry. Ha ha I tried to keep a positive frame of mind, and it really worked when I had to go to work and see everyone and tell them the news... but then I'd come home... and I started to think that I'd never get out of Phlebotomy.. that I'd be stuck doing mediocre work and not feeling very fulfilled in my life...

I thought maybe we were supposed to have kids! ...Yeah.... that was definitely not the answer either...

The thing is whenever something has been "right" in my life it's all just sort of fallen into place. It becomes something I desire and things happen so "coincidentally" that I know it's not coincidence and I feel like I'm actually heading in the right direction. Very similar feelings happened when I decided to go into Phlebotomy. I happened to get into a class immediately without having to get on a waiting list, for about $100 cheaper than anywhere else. After I got my certificate (I had to wait 5 months..) but I got a full-time job that was able to support me. I moved out alone into a nice apartment and bought a car. I still don't know how I supported myself... by myself... but everything just worked out. Same thing happened with Bruce. In dating other guys I would think maybe I was supposed to marry them, or at least try and see what happened and things just wouldn't force together. When Bruce got home though things just fell together so easily like I always felt they should be.

So here I am trying to FORCE my way into school for the last 3 YEARS and WHY isn't it FALLING INTO PLACE???? I really couldn't understand. I felt it was a righteous desire, that I had my faith in the right place, that I was doing my part... everything I felt was right...

Then I get called into the Bishop's office and he calls me to be the new Relief Society President. I'm 20 yrs. old. There are girls in my ward with MUCH more experience... with children... and marriages that are older than 10 months... I truly felt scared out of my mind but this calling is the thing that saved me out of that manic depression.

I was able to start focusing on other things and keeping busy. Not to be so self-absorbed in WHY I wasn't getting what I WANTED...

After I quit feeling sorry for myself... and came to terms with... everything... I started to latch onto the idea of not going into music... ever. I had to tell myself that it was OK. That there must be other things I'm good at... that it won't mean that I give UP music... just that it becomes a hobby and something to do on the side. That's OK. I can still do community theater. I can still enjoy my love and passion for music without learning EVERYTHING there is to know....

Bruce took me out on a date to see a movie. I think he felt sorry for me always being cooped up in the house while he studies and works, that he didn't argue when I asked if we could see the new movie "Mirror, Mirror." It was darling. I love fairy-tale happy movies like that. The whole time I couldn't stop looking at Snow White's eyelashes. They were so long and beautiful. The whole time I was obsessed with them and the first comment I made when we got out of the movie was "I want eyelashes like Lily Collins..." Bruce laughed at me but it got me on this super weird rampage of searching for places that do eye lash extensions here in Cache Valley. I was determined to get some beautiful long luscious eyelashes. Don't ask me why!!

Well it's pretty expensive anywhere you go so I thought I'd look into the neighboring cosmetology schools to see if they offered a discount. Come to find out Estheticians are the ones who are licensed to do eyelash extensions. Estheticians also learn everything there is to know about the skin. Acne, hormones, rosacea, aging, allergies, skin treatments like facials, microdermabrasion, lasers, hair removal, and much MUCH more!! Oddly enough as I found myself staring at the Esthetics program I felt the odd urge to learn more. What do they make? How long is the program? Where can I work?? I began to do more and more research and found out that Master Estheticians can work in Dermatologists offices. I have told Bruce that the only way I'd ever go further into the medical field was if I could do Dermatology, and since I had no desire to go to medical school, I pretty much had thrown the idea aside. But here was this program staring me in the face.

It's a 10 month program, and there is a school here on Main Street in Logan called the Maximum Style Tec School of Cosmetology. This school offers a 1200 hr. Master Esthetician program where we are able to learn treatments that are not offered anywhere else in the state of Utah. Who would've guessed that Cache Valley held one of the BEST schools for Esthetics in the whole STATE?? Wierd...

Then I read that you can pretty much work anywhere you want. Dr.'s offices, salons, spas, out of your house...

Then it dawned on me. The reason I wanted to get a Choral Education Major was just to teach voice lessons out of my home and be able to earn my living while being a stay-at-home mom. The demand for voice lessons is high but I can't imagine I'd have more students than maybe 6 or 7 a month. Whereas the clientele for face treatments, hair removal, and eyelash extensions, would be much much more. (That fact has been verified by the numerous people I've talked to who have told me about people they know who have done services out of their home and been so busy they had to stop...) My end goal would be to work in a Dr.'s office anywhere. When I worked at Circle of Life, they had a spa downstairs and it's not uncommon for Gynecologists to offer these kinds of treatments in their offices even though it's skincare.

I ran to tell Bruce of my findings and thought for SURE his first comment would be "Cosmetology...?? You want to go into Cosmetology??" But I was SHOCKED at his enthusiasm of what I had found. He really encouraged me to go into this because he could see how excited I was getting about it. That overall sealed the deal for me. We also like the idea of being able to be done with school in 10 months vs. 4 years, and being able to start a family sooner than expected. Another plus is that I'd be fully licensed and able to work full-time while Bruce finishes graduate school. Master Estheticians can start out anywhere from $30-$40 an hour (including tips.)

Well, this is where things finally started falling into place. After finding the Max Style Tec, and finding out that their next class starts in June we decided to go for it. Then we found out it was a $14,000 program. Yeah... I'm not lying...

Federal aid and our savings covers about $5,000 but we will potentially have to take $9,000 student loan. This also terrified me and was a HUGE reason why I didn't want to go to school (the music program) in the first place. I knew I'd have to take out loans every year for me. Bruce is pretty set... until graduate school. After much prayer and consideration, we decided that there's really no better time to take a risk like this. While we're young and childless. In the end of the 4 yrs. it would've taken me to graduate, we would've acquired this much in debt anyways. The only other program around here that teaches Esthetics is in Brigham City. Although it's considerably cheaper, the cost of gas would make it so we'd have to take out a $6,000 loan. So either way... we're screwed. OK, not really. It just seems like a good investment at this point.

This job prospect came out of nowhere as well, where I may still be able to work full-time even though I will be going to school full-time. That's pretty huge. We'll see how that works out. The good thing about all this is the doubts I constantly had about going into the music program, about not being smart enough, or talented enough, or not having the funds to be able to get through... are gone. I told Bruce over and over that I would NOT quit my full-time phlebotomy job until I KNEW we were set with the part-time jobs we needed AND the federal aid and student loans figured out. Well... I haven't found a job yet... I will be taking out more loans than I would've in the beginning... and Bruce may not work at all next semester... but I went ahead and quit my job! It's scary but I love that I'm not terrified to do that anymore.It really confirms to me that things are going in the right direction, and our lives are in the right hands.

So I have to say I'm still sad and disappointed but that is slowly being taken care of because of the faith that I have in my Savior. I know that things will work out. I don't know how but I'm so glad that for once I can say that they WILL... no matter what. It's a good feeling... :)